Australian philanthropist, philosopher and social scientist, James Packer, has begun a series of public interest lectures on the perils of drinking coffee.

Of particular concern to him, is the growing evidence of a causal relationship between “latte drinking” and an aversion to ‘pOkie’ machines.

Public welfare groups, including the IPA and CofC, have also expressed concern that an aversion to pOkie machines represents a significant and disturbing trend, with implications for the health of the nation.

Professor David Trousers, of Melbourne’s IOT (Institute of Orange Tanning), has cited fresh evidence that pOkie deficiencies among coffee drinkers are seeing increasing numbers of latte sippers “spontaneously disappearing” to other planets…

a suspect "other planet"... ...coffee drinkers be warned.