Archive for May 14, 2012


And, Mr Harridan, your passport’s date of issue is April 2002. It provides evidence of travel to Israel and the US. From a Home Office perspective, we’ll need to dig a little deeper. Please wait at the door to the left of the counter and accompany me…

Don’t you know whooo I AM? I’m HARRIDAN, BEN HARRIDAND and ...

That’s quite enough of that. Glenys, can you accompany me with ‘Mr Harridan’…

Ben Harridan’s still slammed up at Heathrow, in a cell and wearing an orange jumpsuit, deportation pending and not very happy…

Heck, this is just simply not on..not what I blooming well expected. I mean, just how many times have I just hopped off the plane and into a black cab, bound for Wapping? To be here, surrounded by this, this filth. A Foreign Editor …of global repute, incarcerated in an airport cell. Like a caged animal, it’s just frankly outrageous…The sheer nerve of the copy of the Reuters bloody handbook just happening to lie upon the bunk thing, here in the cell. How long has it been now? They are denuding my dignity. I mean…taking a chap’s sandals. It’s an OUTRAGE!!

Owz it goin’ then Julian? You new ‘ere.

What? Julian? My name is Ben.

Heard your a bleedin’ journo.  All the bloody same to me, mate.

That, I can assure you, is far from the case.

Whatever…

The 10 Absolutes of Reuters Journalism:

• Always hold accuracy sacrosanct.  Always correct an error openly • Always strive for balance and freedom from bias • Always reveal a conflict of interest to a manager • Always respect privileged information • Always protect their sources from the authorities • Always guard against putting their opinion in a news story • Never fabricate or plagiarise • Never alter a still or moving image beyond the requirements of normal image enhancement • Never pay for a story and never accept a bribe (source: Reuters Handbook)

A new political movement has called for tolerance to be shown towards medical homophobics.  Professor Cureasinner MBBS MPhil FRCPsych FRANZCP has told the “Interpretor” that homophobics are a misunderstood group who just want acceptance into normal society.

“We don’t really hate gays and we certainly don’t beat them up these days he said. You have to consider that many of them are spending their lives in gyms and look a bit threatening to homophobics.”

The professor said “we find it really unfair that people attack our credibility just because scientific evidence is against us on this gay marriage issue. Why are people so hung up on evidence? Look at climate change – all the scientific evidence says its happening and we are causing it, but its a load of rubbish, isn’t it?. There’s certainly nothing in the Bible about it.

We know for sure that gays can’t make normal families. Every one of our members has a personal relationship with god and god has told us it is wrong for gay people to do normal things like getting married and having kids. What more proof would you want than that?”

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