And, Mr Harridan, your passport’s date of issue is April 2002. It provides evidence of travel to Israel and the US. From a Home Office perspective, we’ll need to dig a little deeper. Please wait at the door to the left of the counter and accompany me…

Don’t you know whooo I AM? I’m HARRIDAN, BEN HARRIDAND and ...

That’s quite enough of that. Glenys, can you accompany me with ‘Mr Harridan’…

Ben Harridan’s still slammed up at Heathrow, in a cell and wearing an orange jumpsuit, deportation pending and not very happy…

Heck, this is just simply not on..not what I blooming well expected. I mean, just how many times have I just hopped off the plane and into a black cab, bound for Wapping? To be here, surrounded by this, this filth. A Foreign Editor …of global repute, incarcerated in an airport cell. Like a caged animal, it’s just frankly outrageous…The sheer nerve of the copy of the Reuters bloody handbook just happening to lie upon the bunk thing, here in the cell. How long has it been now? They are denuding my dignity. I mean…taking a chap’s sandals. It’s an OUTRAGE!!

Owz it goin’ then Julian? You new ‘ere.

What? Julian? My name is Ben.

Heard your a bleedin’ journo.  All the bloody same to me, mate.

That, I can assure you, is far from the case.

Whatever…

The 10 Absolutes of Reuters Journalism:

• Always hold accuracy sacrosanct.  Always correct an error openly • Always strive for balance and freedom from bias • Always reveal a conflict of interest to a manager • Always respect privileged information • Always protect their sources from the authorities • Always guard against putting their opinion in a news story • Never fabricate or plagiarise • Never alter a still or moving image beyond the requirements of normal image enhancement • Never pay for a story and never accept a bribe (source: Reuters Handbook)