Passport, please.

Yes, uhm, of course. Here it is…

Harridan. Ben Harridan. And you are Ben Harridan?

Yes, that’s me. I am Ben Harridan.

Business or pleasure? The purpose of your trip to the UK, Mr Harridan?

Strictly business.

Says here, ‘occupation: Foreign Editor’.

Yes. Quite frankly, I’m the Foreign Editor of the Caucasian. You may even have heard of us…

Mr Harridan, leafing through your passport, I see stamps for Israel and the US. Fairly recent, too…

Yes, us Foreign Editors tend to get around, ya know.

You may make that assumption, but your visa stamps are exclusively Israel and the US? Your work not take you further afield?

Now look here. I don’t like your insinuation. I’m FOREIGN EDITOR. FOREIGN EDITOR of Australia’s BIGGEST SELLING BROADSHEET!!

And, Mr Harridan, your passport’s date of issue is April 2002. It provides evidence of travel to Israel and the US. From a Home Office perspective, we’ll need to dig a little deeper. Please wait at the door to the left of the counter and accompany me…

Don’t you know whooo I AM? I’m HARRIDAN, BEN HARRIDAND and ...

That’s quite enough of that. Glenys, can you accompany me with ‘Mr Harridan’…