According to Hannah Krakauer in New Scientist, North Carolina legislators have found a novel way to ameliorate climate change.

They plan to stop climate change in North Carolina by legislation. By creating legislation that bans the current method of calculating sea level rise and replacing it with a linear method of calculation that gives inaccurate but  much lower level outcomes, they hope to save millions of dollars in reparation.

Hannah Krakauer reported that :

The 8-inch model, based solely on historical records from the last 100 years, flies in the face of modern climate science. Sea level rise is due to a combination of climate-driven factors: warmer temperatures cause ocean water to expand, and rising temperatures are melting the Arctic and Antarctic ice caps. The combined feedback makes for exponential – not linear – growth. Yet the North Carolina bill states: “Rates of sea-level rise may be extrapolated linearly to estimate future rates of rise but shall not include scenarios of accelerated rates of sea-level rise.”

“This is unprecedented,” says Orrin Pilkey, professor emeritus of geology at Duke University in Durham, North Carolina. “It’s the first time a law has dictated the shape of a curve.”

NC-20, the group behind the bill, has argued that incorporating the 39-inch predictions would be an enormous economic burden on coastal communities. “The legislature has declined to face the problem of what we’re going to do about it, and instead has attacked the science,” contends Pilkey.

To celebrate this miraculous occasion I have created a new but nostalgic anthem for North Carolina.

Carolina Climate Anthem

Wishing is good time wasted,

Still it’s a habit they say;

Wishing that swimming I had mastered

That’s what I do all day.

But speaking of wishing I’ll say:

Maybe there’s nothing but fishing but


Nothing could be finer than to float round Carolina in the morning

No one could be wetter than my paddling red setter when I feed her in the dawning.

Where in the morning dories

Sail around my door

I love to hear the stories

Of when we lived onshore

Throwing out my burley but the water is too swirly in the morning

Butterflies still flutter up to kiss the salty buttercups but there all drowning

If I had Aladdin’s lamp for only a day,

I’d make a wish and here’s what I’d say:

Nothing could be finer than to float around Carolina in the morning

Though everything could be better and we’d be less wetter if we listened to the warning

Dreaming was meant for night-time

I live in dreams all the day;

I know it’s not the right time,

But still I dream away.

What could be sweeter than dreaming,

Just dreaming and drifting away.

(Repeat Chorus)

Apologies to Gus Khan and Walter Donaldson

*theinterpretOr is looking at an alternative melody based on Frank Zappa’s “Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy”