Archive for December 16, 2011

empathy prOcedure: pt 2

Janette, sweetheart, how’dit go today?

Pretty good, pretty good thanks, Jonette. Seem to be getting more referrals from Correct Corp. Had a chap in this afternoon who took the bloody biscuit. Erph, took the biscuit, metaphorically, of course.

Of course, dear.

Neuro-plasticity lay-expert Mr nobbly Niblet person. God only knows what he’s doing for Norman Boyd’s mob? He had very acute empathy – level 9, or thereabouts…spouting all kinds of nonsense. Like he actually said “numbers are shit.”

Right, right. At the end of the day, it is a highly inappropriate sentiment. Actually said ‘numbers are shit?’

‘Yes, Jonette. Almost yelled ‘NUMBERS are SHIT’ repeatedly, just as he was going down…”

Good afternoon.

Hello. Welcome to the Friary. Are you in for a procedure today?

Yes, I’ve an appointment to see Dr Trouzairs at 2.26

Mmmm. 2.26, twoo tewnty siickz, aha…twooo. Mister Nibblet?

Yup. That’s me.

Please go through the double doors and wait in the signed area – help yourself to refreshments. I’ll let the doctor know that you’re here.

Cheers. Thanks.

Mister Nibblet. Welcome, welcome. I’m Dr Trouzairs and I’ll be doing the procedure this afternoon…


If you can just come through this way, Nurse will help you with your things. We should have you back out of here by 4. Probably about 12 past, ok?



Hello there. I’m Nurse Ratchet. Have you been to the Friary before?

Trevor Nibblet. No, no I haven’t been here before.

Mmmm. Dr Trouzairs is very good. Thorough. Just pop on the robe once you’ve undressed. “And you know she’a a chrissstian by her love, by her love, and yooou, knowow she’s a chrisss…”

You ok? Is there much to this ‘procedure’?

YES and NO, really.


Mr Nibblet, we’re nearly ready for you. Nurse Ratchet, I’ll need a few minutes with Trevor.

Very good, doctor.

Mister Nibblet…

Yes, Dr Trouzairs…

We’ve analysed your initial test results and it’s just as well that you’re here. Have you heard of the phrase ‘psychopathology’?

Err, yes. The course of disease or illness in relation to the psyche?

Here at the Friary, we prefer the term ‘persona’

Persona? But…

MISTER NIBBLET, the results are very reliable and indicate a Level 9 empathy disorder!

Disorder? Empathy isn’t a ‘disorder’…

Well, that’s where you’re wrong, Trevor. You are bloomin’ well disordered – it is categorically classified in DSM V of the American Psychiatric Association…etched…in…stone, quite frankly. My procedure will shift your psyche from ‘intrinsic’ to EXTRINSIC and all will be well. Nurse Ratchet!

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