Category: Oz Junta
Lang Hancock thought journalists were either “socialists” or “communists”. Gina, too, is deeply scornful of the press. Very few reporters…
Nick Bryant’s piece @ the mOnthly continues here and is freely available by clicking this line.
For the Norb Fones perspective on the concentration of media ownership, please click below:
Norb Fones: good morning ‘stralia and welcome to Stomurdhart
Go on then Fones, put it to the test then, if you’re so damn sure! Go on, you potato of a man. Wretched, viscious…potato…bastard.
Ohhh, what vile scum duth I hear before me? Just crawl back to your microbiotical vegetable garden and yer…and yer friggin’ mung beans, you, you…
So to what, exactly, do you attribute global warming, ehh? You overpaid, foul-mouthed bigot, you…
Foul mouthed, foul mouthed?? I’ll let you jolly well know, that by MY calculations, human beings produce a mere, trifling 0.000001% of carbon dioxide – ya know – ceee ohhh tooo – in the earth’s atmosphere. 0.000001 percentile points…
Yeahh, right. And I’m a banana.
That you may be. Climate change…climate change is caused by the seasons. The SEASONS, man. Autumn, summer…err, errr…
Have you totally lost it, Fones?
Winter. Winter and autumn. Look, don’t you know WHO I AM. I’m Fones, NORB FONES!!!!
( for more Norb Fones: Norb Fones: mOnster of talkback… “well, hello Tony” )
vile kyle is at it again.
This time around, vile kyle is ridiculing a disabled Pakistani baby. He does this live on air. He makes a fortune spouting vile, fascist shite. He also does this kind of thing from the safety of his studio.
He looks a bit like this….
Uhhh. Just who is paying this craven narcissist?
It’s disturbing that he even has an audience.
Liberal Party leader Tony Abbott shows his true colours in refusing to support a proposal to put in place an anti- corruption body or new codes of conduct for Members of the Australian Parliament.
Abbott considers that striving to demoralise and brutalise Craig Thompson on the floor of the parliament so that he will resign or have a psychological meltdown is a better solution for him to become Prime Minister than waiting for the next election, or for the proper procedures of the parliament and the law to be followed.
This shows two vital aspects of Abbott’s character. The first aspect is his ruthlessness that allows him to continually put his own ambition above any other consideration. The second is his deceit.
Abbott does not want stronger codes of conduct because he knows that at least one of the members of the Liberal/National coalition is likely to be caught by its provisions and penalties, and therefore strip her vote from the coalition negating the possible loss of Labor’s Craig Thompson.
The true reason Tony Abbott does not want to wait for any of the proper procedures or solutions to be used is because he wants an immediate election while Labor is at its weakest point. He does not want Labor’s program of reforms to be implemented because he knows they will be popular and that his alarmist rhetoric will be shown to be untrue, leaving him revealed as the emperor with no clothes.
“On my first day as prime minister, I would pick up the phone to the President of Nauru to accept Nauru’s bi-partisan, standing offer to reopen the detention centre there.
Within a week of taking office, I would give new orders to the navy that, where it is safe to do so, under the usual chain-of-command procedures, based on the advice of commanders-on-the-spot, Indonesian flagged, Indonesian crewed and Indonesian home-ported vessels without lawful reason to be headed to Australia would be turned around and escorted back to Indonesian waters.”
‘LANDMARK SPEECH (sic): THE COALITION’S PLAN FOR MORE SECURE BORDERS’
Tony Abbott, 27th April 2012
(Executive Director of Australians for Constitutional Monarchy 1993/94)
The Australian and the Gay News Network reporting that Opposition Leader Tony Abbott had his Sunday night dinner interrupted by gay marriage advocates who surrounded his table at a Lygon Street café in Melbourne.
‘Abbott was dining with The Australian’s foreign editor Greg Sheridan when the protestors entered, confronted Abbott and began chanting ‘Tony Abbott you’re a bigot, gay marriage you don’t dig it’.’
The startled couple reacted to the onslaught in a relatively restrained manner, with Sheridan reinforcing that they have no imminent marriage plans.
So, tell me Tony. How the devil are you, my dear chep?
Well, uhmmm Lord Christopher. Smashing to hear from you.
The bicycle, Tony. Is the bicycle working?
Why yes, Lord Chrissie. The bicycle is working, erhhmph, literally and metaphorically…The boys at News were right, ya know. Leni too. I feel quite at home now in my cycling pants.
Symbolism of cycling in the modern age. Bowis Johnson and Dave Cameron bicycling gave the public the warm and fuzzies. “Smoke scweens” shweeked the latte cwowd…
Cognitive dissonance, or uhmm, something like that…but really, Campbell’s off to a strong start and Clive’s tickled pink, err, very pleased.
Is it twue, dear Tony, is it weally twue thet Flinty’s weleased video tape cassettes of the Windsors?
Yes. ACM are really pushing the envelope and engaging with the youngsters. The opportunity for cadet Australian’s to see Prince Charles letting his hair down and disco dancing with Sir Cliff. Quite frankly, stirring stuff. David has even provided voice over on poignant segments.
Smeashing. The dulcet tones.
Phase Four is firming up with ‘opportunity to win’ soon to be ubiquitous. Campbell’s implementing library closures as a priority and when I acquire my rightful place, the internet will be the exclusive preserve of Seven Media, News and Gina.
As it ought to be, dear Tony. And as it shall be.
At the end of the day, Lord Chrissie…quite frankly, yes.
“Julia’s jackets! Phahhh. I wouldn’t be seen dead in ’em! I love these, errm these pantz though, for the relaxed weekend look n’ feel. At the end of the day, I just love mein pantz. “
Andy Forrest, welcome to Earthtalk.
– G’day Breeonezlet, pleasure to be here…
Ok. Mr Forrest, as you know, this interview is likely to be reaching planets that are not entirely familiar with your profession. Can you describe a typical working day?
– Umm, yes. Yes, Breeonezlet, I can describe such a day. I tend to wear leeesure denims, nice shirts that are untucked, and I’m in charge of my very own mining company. We dig up iron ore – a vital resource. We keep the world turning.
An important job, is it, back there on Earth?
– For me, mining is my life, my passion…kinda almost a religion.
Mr Forrest, how do your people feel about this ‘mining religion’?
– Look, at the end of the day, my people are very content, moving forwards.
Mr Forrest, we understand that your area of Earth was populated by ‘traditional owners’ for around 90,000 of your Earth years. Can you describe your joy in sharing the bounty of the ‘mining religion’ with other ‘traditional owners’?
– Umm…well…My family have a long history in Western Australia, going as far back as the NINETEENTH CENTURY, Breeonezlet…quite frankly, we, umm…
Mr Forrest, you’re obviously a bright and numerate man, how does that compare to 350 centuries?
– Well, the point is, the point is really…
Mr Forrest, thank you. We’d better leave it there for now. Best wishes with your ‘mining religion’ job and we appreciate your time.
Well, viewers, that was Mr Forrest, one of Earth’s leading ‘miners’. As we saw, he seemed reluctant to put his income source into perspective – this trait also has been a theme of this series on ‘Earth: roles, incomes and the future’.
And the KPMG report estimates the costs of businesses’ environmental impacts are doubling every 14 years.
more at abc’s the Drum
i’m a regular fair dinkum guy and ma name’s andy…what “heritage”…Sir John Forrest…who’z eee???
andy’s fair dinkum Wikipedia entry includes…
great-great nephew of John Forrest, the first premier of Western Australia.
whats all that “hereditary” claptrap, stuff und nonsense? it’s all right for Roopert M and Jimmy P, so why not me, fair dinkum andy?
There’s no “principle” in the hereditary principle!
Don’t be silly, Keith. Of course there is…
No there’s not. I think it’s a load of rubbish.
Why, why, you’re too young to really understand, aren’t you. Peter, Peter, isn’t he. Isn’t Keith being silly?
Hmmph, yes dear. Look Keith, there are some very decent people in the royal family!
How do you know? Have you ever met any of them?
Hmmmph, yes, as a matter of fact, I have.
Yes, yes. Peter actually met Princess Anne…
So what?
Hmmph, now look here, young fella. Princess Anne sometime late summer and she was actually terribly nice.
They are parasites and why do you think it is good that other people are just born into power and then ride around on their fat bums?
Ohh, silly boy. You just don’t understand, do you? You think you do, but you do not. They are good people doing a difficult job….
Hmmmph, yes, yes, listen to your mother, Keith. You sound like a spoilt brat.
I’m not and I think they’re a bunch of bloody parasites!
35 years on and I believe as strongly as ever that there is no principle in the hereditary principle.
The Leader of the Opposition in the Australian Parliament, Tony Abbot, has labelled the Gillard Government, “the worst government ever”. By any objective test this is not true. What is true, is that the current opposition is demonstratively one of the worst ever.
While the Gillard Government, despite its minority status, has managed to successfully negotiate its way through a massive amount of legislation and skilfully guided our economy through the international financial crisis, Tony Abbott and his team have failed to show that they are capable of taking the reins of government.
From day one Mr Abbott has put all of his efforts into a destructive personal quest to bring about the downfall of the Gillard Government with little thought being put into being prepared to take the reins of government if he were to succeed.
It is very lucky for the Australian nation that Abbott has so far failed to totally destabilise the Government, because the Liberal Opposition have no credible policies on which to base its own governance of the nation and there remains a policy vacuum in most areas.
In particular the Liberal budget is of great concern and appears to have been cobbled together without reference to the spending promises made by Mr Abbott.
The Liberal climate change policy reflects their disregard for the scientific position on global warming impacts. It is blatantly irresponsible and extremely costly both in its direct cost, and because it has not been seriously considered, it would fail to be effective and in doing so would add to the growing ecological and human cost that is already unfolding.
Clearly either Abbott’s budget is a bogus document or he has no intention of implementing most of his policies requiring expenditure. Either way, in the private commercial world this would amount to the commission of a fraud on the Australian public and would put him in jail.
What is difficult to explain is how the Liberals have escaped serious media scrutiny. This lack of scrutiny represents a massive failure across the media spectrum as Abbott has been a hairs breadth away from seizing power since the last election.
If he had succeeded we would have been in deep trouble when he implemented his threadbare un-costed programs. Alternatively, if he faced reality we would have felt cheated that he was reneging on his promises. Either way Tony Abbott’s constant self serving attempts at destabilisation of the Government shows a dangerous disregard for the Australian people that is only matched by our smug and indolent media.
If Tony Abbott truly believes the “red carpet” is being laid out for refugees released into the community, I challenge him to live under the same conditions for two weeks.
Using a nasty false and racist article by Gemma Jones in the Sydney Telegraph as his information base, Tony Abbott has made a disgusting attack on refugees who have been released into the community.
This attack has one purpose and that is to improve his own political fortune. It is a modus operandi perfected by Roger Ailes from Fox News. Ailes was previously behind the campaign of Richard Nixon where he developed the politics of resentment. He makes the less well off angry that someone is getting some benefit at their expense.
It is a technique that has been perfected by the Tea Party in America and now Tony Abbott is its latest adherent.
The truth is that it is much cheaper for governments to release the refugees into the community and that life inside and outside the prisons is very tough for them. These people are living in very basic conditions with no luxuries. The other truth is Abbott is pushing this country in a very nasty direction one which will have very dire consequences for the health of our society.
The latest right wing darling of economics, Judith Sloane, recently revealed her darker side on the ABCs’ Q@A program. Judith was angry about the Gillard Goverment getting rid of “Work Choices” and creating Fair Work Australia. When asked about Tony Abott being reticent about bringing back unfair individual contracts, Judith’s fangs were revealed when she snarled “there’s more than one way to skin a cat” . It was a chilling moment for working people, as Judith is likely to be at least an adviser to any future Liberal government.
On a contrived interview on the “Bolt Report” Andrew Bolt and his guest Liberal MLA Denis Jensen worked as a two man comedy act to convince viewers that global warming is a myth.
Bolt and Jensen attempted to give us a comedic assassination of the world’s climate scientists. In fact they managed to be as funny as a banker cutting off your overdraft. Furthermore their claims about global warming were less believable than Monty Python’s parrot news.
Bolt played a clip of Tim Flannery saying that Australia was drying up and the world heating up and juxtaposed this with clips of floods in Queensland and of the heavy snow covering parts of Europe. Bolt and Jensen claimed this was proof that the world’s climate scientists had got it wrong and the Labor Government wasting money on carbon reduction and on buying back water rights for the Murray Darling river system.
Denis Jensen, a Liberal Party MLC, was presented to viewers as being a scientist, implying that this meant he is an expert on climate science. In fact Jensen has scant knowledge of climate science as he is a nuclear physicist. Denis has either not bothered to read IPCC (International Panel on Climate Change) reports or he is deliberately lying about what the reports have consistently stated about rainfall in Australia.
“To summarize the rainfall results, drier conditions are anticipated for most of Australia over the 21st century. However, consistent with conclusions in WGI, an increase in heavy rainfall also is projected, even in regions with small decreases in mean rainfall. This is a result of a shift in the frequency distribution of daily rainfall toward fewer light and moderate events and more heavy events. This could lead to more droughts and more floods.” (IPCC)
(This has proved to be very accurate)
The IPCC report also predicted that some Australian regions, like the South Western Australia, suffer greater reductions of rainfall while more rain could fall in some Northern regions.
Bolt and Jensen correctly claim the IPCC predicts that Europe will get hotter but they incorrectly assumed this meant there will be less snow in Europe? In fact the IPCC actually predicts that while summer precipitation will be lower in most areas, winter precipitation increases in some regions. Bolt and Jensen’s scoffing was based on their own ignorance or failure to read the report.
“ Mean winter precipitation is increasing in most of Atlantic and northern Europe (Klein Tank et al., 2002). In the Mediterranean area, yearly precipitation trends are negative in the east, while they are non-significant in the west.” IPCC Fourth Report
(Snow is a large part of winter precipitation in Europe.)
Check out the following graphs and see for yourself how Jensen’s claim that the last 15 years show declining temperatures is a blatant lie.
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Each successive decade since 1950 warmer than the last, with 2010 being one of the warmest individual years on record.
Chart shows where the last 11 years have rated against the hottest days recorded.
| aly °C | Anomaly °F | ||
| 2011 | 11 | 0.51 | 0.92 |
| 2010 | 1 (tie) | 0.64 | 1.15 |
| 2009 | 7 (tie) | 0.58 | 1.04 |
| 2008 | 13 | 0.50 | 0.90 |
| 2007 | 7 (tie) | 0.58 | 1.04 |
| 2006 | 6 | 0.59 | 1.06 |
| 2005 | 1 (tie) | 0.64 | 1.15 |
| 2004 | 9 | 0.56 | 1.01 |
| 2003 | 4 | 0.61 | 1.10 |
| 2002 | 5 | 0.60 | 1.08 |
| 2001 | 10 | 0.54 | 0.97 |
Jensen should also have looked at Perth’s stream flows chart ( http://www.csiro.au/Outcomes/Climate/Reducing-GHG/~/media/CSIROau/Divisions/CSIRO%20Marine%20%20Atmospheric%20Research/A
The second half of the 20th century has had less than half of the usable water than the first half and it is still declining. As Jensen represents a Perth electorate it would help if he could avail him with the facts that southern areas and particularly the Southwest, has and will continue to have huge water problems. His and Bolt’s proposal that we need to build more dams not spend money reducing carbon is no joke it is appalling ignorance as Perth’s dams have not been full for decades.
Channel 10 is doing this nation a disservice in giving Bolt time to present his ignorant, wacky and untruthful anti-environmental rants. He should be pulled into line for claiming climate scientists were manipulating data unless he can provide evidence.
Tina Magnolia, welcome to Earthtalk.
– G’day Breeonezlet, smashin’ tu be here…
Ok. Tina Magnolia, as you know, this interview is likely to be reaching planets that are not entirely familiar with your all mine profession. Can you describe a typical start to your working day?
– the boardroom at Ozdong Resources is all mine and must be kept spotlessly clean, and to my exact specifications at ALL TIMES. Press over the weekend – ectually in the Weakened Caucasian – explains it tewwibly well:
“Ozdong Resources boardroom in West Perth is startlingly white. White table, white chairs, white walls.”(sic) (4/5 Feb 2012: Weakened Caucasian)
An important colour, is it, back there on Earth?
– For me, white is signature colour – my life, my passion…kinda almost a mantra. Ozdong is very white and all mine.
Ms Magnolia, is it not the case that your “all mine” industry is actually filthy and destructive?
– Breeonezlet, thurs some sort of break…brea.. in the sugnall. Ken you repeat the quostion?
Loud and clear at this end. Ok, I repeat: Ms Magnolia, is it not the case that your “all mine” industry is actually filthy and destructive?
– Look, at the end of the day, moving forwards…no, wretched signal problem, AGAIN – I’m getting some sort of feedback into this blasted bloomin’ earpiece… just repeat the sodding quest…
We can, but we’re not going to bother, Ms Magnolia. You see, here on Earthtalk, we’ve introduced a new feature whereby visitors and viewers can vote on whether they think you are being disingenuous. Our culture is open and this extends to our communications.
Well viewers, we’re leaving it there with Tina Magnolia and “it’s all mine“. Thank you for your vote.
“Eeef Rinehart continues to increase zee stake in Fearfex media, it could leave us in ze seetuation where nearly all our major daily papers are controlled by just three peoples, Norb! Eet’s a vin for zee opportunity to vin”
Quite soo, dear Leni. Well, Radio Now is actually already across the new Stomurdhart account, Leni.
Vot are zee stretegic eempleecations, Norb?
Integration of moral courage across multiple platforms, Leni. Tony’s tickled pin…errr, delighted, delighted.
Eez eet true that Lord Christopher Sponkton eez ze new Stomurdhart ‘face’?
Under wraps, Leni. Under wraps.
Ochh, Norb, yoor smiling though…eet eez true…
Look, Gina, Rupert and Kerry are titans with vision moving forwards.
“All zee propegenda has to be populerr and has to accommodate eetself to the comprehension of the least intelligent of those whom it seeks to reach.”
Is that whom I think it is, Leni?
The SMH today claims that “opposition Leader Tony Abbott’s Press Club speech attacked the very point Labor sees as its greatest strength — economic management — armed with little more than rhetoric and previously announced promises.”
The interpretOr would like to reinforce the emptiness of Abbott’s rationale with a few more words from Nobel laureate, Professor Joseph Stiglitz, a former World Bank chief economist and economic adviser to the US government…
“[Labor] actually did a fantastic job of saving your country from problems.”
Stiglitz applauds the objectives of the government’s mining tax but was not surprised at the response of BIG MINING…
“Having watched what happened in the United States I’m not surprised at all what’s happened here; the mining companies do not want to pay their fair share.”
Spiralling down through anthropological time.
We unknowingly transformed from prokaryote to eukaryote.
In thousands of lifetimes fish became reptiles and reptiles became birds.
Apes left the bodies of amphibians and stood up to look bigger than other species.
We became creators of new beings, shapers and destroyers of our environment.
It made us believe we were masters of the universe.
Yet we have no more control of our destiny than amoeba or a virus.
“well, hello Tony”
Norb, hello there. Did you receive it ok?
Courier dropped it in at reception at sparrow’s.
That’s great mate. Great. Ahhhm, any initial thoughts?
An icon, an extension…erhmm. Team fantastic, mate.
And Leni. Leni’s in with you at Flossmirror for the working lunch?
Etched in stone. Etched in stone. Well, more ‘topline’ please, Tony…We’re gagga for Opportunity to Win! Flinty’s even ordered a custom pair and has the heads up on the auction. A masterstroke from the maestro himself!
Norb, heck. What can I say? As you know, preparation and committment are key drivers. There’s raw determination in Opportunity to Win.
And moving forwards on a euuhhu, united front too no doubt…
Quite frankly, yes. A united front. A signature, a hallmark.
On the auction, Tony, how’s the physical regime? Umm, do you envisage shedding à la ‘like peeling off a sock’?
Absolutely. Yes, Norb
…a great Australian, listeners. He’s one of us and proud of us. Jamie just wants hardworking mums and dads to be able to have fun in the club. Fun in the club without the leering latte drinkers clamping down on their liberties, their freedom to pokie. It just makes me so angry, we all work soo, soo hard. Up next on Radio nOw, here’s the great Sir Cliff with ‘Summer Holiday’…”
…Oh, thank fxxx for that. $440 is a bloody joke, Henry! no, nO, NO. Claire! Claire! coffee, NOW, this instant
‘Instant, Mr Fones?’
For fxxxing christ sakes…FRESH, fresh coffee. NOWWW!!!
But Norb, the integration opportunities on this are absolutely standout. Free to air, inflight horizons and associated platforms. And we’re talking ks, big Ks.
Do I have to remind you YET AGAIN, that I work my butt off as it is, Henry. Claire! Tissues. Aloe vera, for fxxx’s sake. NOT THOSE, they’re tea tree. Claire, quite frankly, I want mine! I want mine now!
Here, Norb, have one of mine, proffered Henry.
Take that disgusting, soggy item away from me NOW!!
But, the other item, Norb, is the MoystCheeks live read & promo. I thought you might want to check out the product, the merchandise? They’re bringing to the table circa $210 for openers?
Oh, fxxxing well pass it back here then, Henry! What does a MAN have to do in this…And what’s the latest on dear Tony? You know damn well that he and I are off to the Lesser Antilles and Sir Cliff’s over Easter, Henry. EASTER 2012. Meinpantz is a glorious opportunity with synergy and innovation on touchpoints and associated extensIONS!! We must be united…we will move forwards…with opportunity to WIN!
Of course, of course, Norb. Just didn’t want to bombard you with detail. Trying to keep it all tight and topline and Australia Day’s up well in advance of Barbados. Leni’s parachuting in for lunch Friday and Claire’s across your diary.
Misss Reeferstool. Pick and stick, hey Henry. P..e..ck und s..ss..te…ckk
——————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–
(ps. not condoning Norb Fones’ horrible behaviour – the character he’s based on may exist and transcripts of off-mike rants may show ‘Fones’ to be even more repulsive off-mike than on)
Marjorie Dawes is the terrifying leader of weight loss support group Fatfighters in the reality tv show, Little Britain. Teresa Gambaro is unfortunately, very real too.
1. bit of botox…smashing. Oooh, just a little bit more.
2. find spatula, apply foundation
3. apply Liberal squirts of deodorant, (‘Fasciste’ par Jean Marie Le Pen, peut etre?)
4. lippy (favourite shade: red neck)
5. check pocket for lighter – usually pretty flatulant this time of year…
6. quick squirt of ‘Xenophobe’ potty mouth freshener
“Herr Abbott. I like MeinPantz. I like them so much. Snork. Thank you To…”
Hey, just don’t go there Scott. Ok? No, not ok..Did you find that piece I asked for?
Ya…yess, Mein Herr. It’s next to the mahogany prod..here we go…”Exfoliation can be achieved through mechanical or chemical means, though rough surfaces ensure a smoother, closer, more natural look.”
Loook ummm, thank you for your compliment, Scott, all happening, heck… Stripes. Vertical stripes…
Stars.
Yes, Scott. Stars too.
Circles.
Circle. Just one. White. White circle.
White circles, stars, stripes. Tight. Tight stripes. Tights! Herr Abbott…flexiponts, und…
“Herr Abbott, you doo have zee Haider een you. Nurture yor inner Jorg” said Leni. “Und especially ven you’re cross – ze pession, zee indeegnation. You go from orange too ze red!”
Ha, well, heck, Leni. But never green.
Don’t ever mention that verd. Peuahh.
Look, ummm, Leni. Sir Cliff has brought a creative and bold suite of ideas to the table. A man of vision, he’s one heck of a mate, and err does a lot of great work for charity.
Yess, Herr Abott. So hendsome und zee little beach sheck in zee Barbados…vot’s zee big idea?
Well, actually, there are two. Two big ideas. We will leverage each through autumn rallies after using the late summer auction as an initial, umm, launch platform…
Vell, Tony, vot, vot, vot?
1. Produce the new ‘MeinPantz’ swimwear range at the Correct Corp facility on Nauru!
2. Market the range through Barbados. Sir Cliff has indicated that he’s willing to help with shoots, model management etcetera, etc. Leni, humm, perhaps let’s not mention this yet to Julie, but Sir Cliff feels that your’s truly could, ermmm, actually model some of the pants…
Model zee ponts? Toight ponts, Tony?
Well a bit, yes…
Und this vill bee after zee shedding?
Precisely, Leni. I knew you’d get it
“Herr Abbott, you doo have zee Jorg Haider een you. Nurture yor inner Jorg” said Leni. “Und especially ven you’re cross – ze pession, zee indeegnation. You go from orange too ze red!”
Ha, well, heck, Leni. But never green.
Don’t ever mention that verd. Peuahh.
Look, ummm, Leni. Sir Cliff has brought a creative and bold suite of ideas to the table. A man of vision, he’s one heck of a mate, and err does a lot of great work for charity.
Yess, Herr Abott. So hendsome und zee little beach sheck in zee Barbados…vot’s zee big idea?
Well, actually, there are two. Two big ideas. We will leverage each through autumn rallies after using the late summer auction as an initial, umm, launch platform…
Vell, Tony, vot, vot, vot?
1. Produce the new ‘MeinPantz’ swimwear range at the Correct Corp facility on Nauru!
2. Market the range through Barbados. Sir Cliff has indicated that he’s willing to help with shoots, model management etcetera, etc. Leni, humm, perhaps let’s not mention this yet to Julie, but Sir Cliff feels that your’s truly could, ermmm, actually model some of the pants…
Model zee ponts? Toight ponts, Tony?
Well a bit, yes…
Und this vill bee after zee shedding?
Precisely, Leni. I knew you’d get it
“Herr Abbott. I’ve Sir Cliff for you on line 2” said Scott.
Ok, Scott. Put him through pronto, presto…uhmm, quickly. Sir Cliff, hello, hello. Smashing to hear from you and tell me, how is sunny Barbados today?”
Heck, howdie Tony! Blessings. The plantation’s a sunny and a super, doodly smashing. Uhhuh, it blows me away that now two of me great mates are called Tone. I mean…what are the chances, it’s a bit spookytastic.
Err, Sir Cliff, may I venture that it could be the invisible hand of the big JC.
Mega. Hey, buddie, Tone. Leni Reeferstool flicked over the treatment for your autumn rallies. They’re, quite frankly, pop-tastic, mate. She also attached a cuppla pdfs of you over the hols. You’re in great, great shape mate!
Gee, heck, thanks Sir Cliff mate. You’re in terrific shape too, mate – I’ll have to courier you over a pair of Austalia’s finest!
Mega-tastic, knicker elastic! So, let’s get down to the shedding, Tone, me old mate. Scotty’s notes indicated that you’re a bit of a rough surface shedder!
Yes, Sir Cliff, mate. And Julie’s ….
Aptly titled Shadow Minister, Scott M, loves Officeworks. The order of the aisles, ranges of stationary stationery. Sheer bliss. Heck, even the uniforms. Splendid, splendid. “It’s my Disneyland!!” he proclaimed as he fumbled with the new range of ring binders in aisle 9.
“Office supplies and Tory politicians have a peculiar history and connection”, mused Keith.
British documentary makers, Comic Strip Presents, busted John Major at Ryman’s back in the 90’s, prematurely ending his prime ministership. “Morrison is playing with fire…it could all end in tears…ha, ha…the tears of a clown” chuckled Keith
to be continued…
“Herr Abbott, we could auction it late summer” said Scott.
“Perhaps, Scott. Anyway, ummm, how’s the new prod looking?”
“Correct Corp envisage availability and implementation readiness at 2nd quarter ’12 for zone P of Phase Four”
“Excellent, excellent. Norman Boyd seems very confident of this too and we can brief Harridan. Going back to the auction scenario….not bad. Leave it with me, I’ll liaise with TB and Sir Cliff also has experience in this area too. Maybe we could go digital and combine ‘opportunity to win’ with the main revenue generator for autumn?”
“Ya.., yess Herr Abbott. It’ll be a massive revenue builder for autumn and raise party brand awareness.”
“Ok, well, quite frankly I could toss in the speedos too?”
“Errr, Herr Abbott….?”
“Add them to the prize pool, Scott. What on earth do you think I mean?”
“Right, right. Great.”
“Ok. On the main prize item…a quick heads up on the shedding process. Well, the process tends to be that the old skin breaks near the mouth and I wriggle out of it, aided by rubbing against rough surfaces. In years gone bye, the cast skin peels backward over the body from head to tail in one piece, like pulling a sock off inside-out…Scott..?..SCOTT! SCOTTT”
“Herr Abbott, you’ve got toight ponts” said Leni.
“Leni, yes. These are my swimming trunks.”
“Vot in thee vorld. You’ve got toight ponts.”
“Yes, Leni, admittedly, they are quite frankly, tight, but there’s nothing unusual in them?!”
“Well, Herr Abbott, when others are wearing such toight ponts, zer are impleecations, are there not?”
“quite frankly, I haven’t given the issue much thought, umm, the…”
“Vot about Julie? Have you not considered her needs – are you not moving forwards on zee uniteed froont?”
“Well, she’s thrilled with, ummm, your designs for the autumn ral…”
Invoking ‘border protection’ to justify demonizing of the defenceless…yet more fascist politics of the gutter from Abb on Botty and his odious sidekicks. Salivating over Nauru is disgusting in the extreme. They have no shame – oh, but they have no conscience or empathy either.
BATTLE
TO STEM
THE TIDE
This headline, laid out as above and in CAPS, is the opening story of the ‘Inquirer’ section of this weekend’s Weakened Caucasian, (10-11 Dec, 2011). The language is negative, emotive and aggressive – battles can be painful and destructive. BATTLEs even more so. STEM THE TIDE brought to us by the corporation, and its people, who were avid cheerleaders for the invasion of Iraq, platinum sponsors of the Fear Trade.
For refugees fleeing the ravages of war and persecution, there is a BATTLE also. A BATTLE to stay alive. A BATTLE TO STEM THE TIDE of the horror of one’s situation and experiences. Shame on you ‘News’.
Harridan felt slightly euphoric after sharing quality time with Dumsfled on Boket – Phase IV, ‘Pacific Century’, holidays in the pipeline with Sir Cliff and Bliar…he just has so god-darn-much to look forward to!
“Heck, life’s good, ” he exclaimed to himself as he ripped the lid off the Tuperware container and pulled out a nicely ironed pair of socks…”But what’s this ghastly, pinko propaganda…?” he snarled, as he glimpsed a snippet of the day’s ‘Democracy Now’ bulletin:
…the New York Air National Guard base at Hancock Field near Syracuse, New York, after trespassing to protest the MQ-9 Reaper drones, which the 174th Fighter Wing of the Guard has remotely flown over Afghanistan since late 2009. The protesters draped themselves in white clothes splattered with blood-red pigment and then staged a “die-in” at the main entrance to the base. They said their act of nonviolent civil disobedience aimed to visualize the indiscriminate killing of civilians in Afghanistan and Pakistan by drones operated by personnel sitting in front of computers thousands of miles away.
“…drones are, quite frankly, a safe and hygenic means of …maintaining order, and at the end of the day….”
How ironic that US, UK and Canadian governments are targeting Iran’s central banking system whilst on their own streets, militarised police are tear gassing people who protest peacefully against the obscenities and systemic dysfunction of Wall St.
Imposing sanctions upon Iran will harm the Iranian people too, maybe more so than damage the regime of Ahmadinejad and his acolytes. More could have been done to support Iranian people, and their Green Movement, during the dubious 2009 elections that saw Ahmadinejad retain power? It would be tragic for sanctions to have an outcome of strengthening the status quo.
If the Fear Trade gets its way yet again, conflict will do wonders for their military/industrial complex. Sure they’d be very happy to shift scrutiny away from coverage of Occupy/99% and Murdoch venality @ the Leveson Inquiry too. Errr, isn’t there a historiacal pattern of right wing conservative leaders in Britain and the US (Blair included) screaming “Iran” or “Iraq” as they consolidate their own ghastly power?
Moving forwards, to the sodding past. No thanks.
(from Wikipedia…The Green Movement refers to a series of actions after the 2009 Iranian presidential election, in which protesters demanded the removal of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad from office. Green was initially used as the symbol of Mir Hossein Mousavi‘s campaign, but after the election it became the symbol of unity and hope for those asking for annulment of what they regarded as a fraudulent election.[1] Mir Hossein Mousavi and Mehdi Karroubi are recognized as political leaders of the Green Movement.[2]Hossein-Ali Montazeri was also mentioned as spiritual leader of the movement.[3] Witnesses to Green Movement protests often claim that protests of this size have not been seen in Iran since the 1979 revolution.[4][5][6])
Embattled Federal Opposition Leader, Tony Abbott, has today made a dramatic plea, reversing his earlier mantra. He is very concerned about the “well founded fear of persecution” that characterises the plight of the cream of the world’s elite sailors:
“Look, at the end of the day, umm, quite frankly, just don’t stop the boats.”
Echoing his call are organisers of the World “don’t stop the boats” championships (that are not really going to be held in Fremantle), but the brash, new port city of Perth. Sponsors and supporters of the World “don’t stop the boats” championships include ratings’ agencies Poor Standards, Mooody’s and Filth.
Meanwhile in other news, Australian icon, legend and World Knitting champion, Greg Normal, has announced a smashing new sponsorship deal with prestige watch brand ‘Red Dot: depuis 1988’, and there are hopes that he may have the opportunity to defend his title at the Malcolm Day Stadium in Kwinana, early 2012…
Mr Rabbit is a genuine conservative. No matter how hare brained they are he clings to old ideas that may not have worked the first time and puts them away for later. His wise old Mummy had drummed into him “waste not want not,” and that precept is just as good now as it was then.
When Mr Rabbit was the Minister for Elf back in the olden days or as he often quipped, golden days of the Gliberal Party, he had been worried about teenagers having too much fun with all that sex, hugs and rock and roll that was constantly available.
To counter this liberal immoral behaviour he devised a devastatingly brilliant policy. He would bombard them with a deeply conservative and holy message. Inexorably it rolled out through the realm of the Debauched Estate. “Just say no” was that message and it had an immediate effect. It was observed that teenagers everywhere on hearing this wisdom were rolling around laughing.
“Obviously it had struck a nerve, they clearly feel relieved from having to make their own decisions” he said. This was the beauty of Gliberal policies. Just like God,Uncle John was taking on the responsibility for everything. This engendered ordinary people with a great sense of release and it was this release from responsibility that made people happy.
Mr Rabbit had a very personal attachment to “Just say no”, it had haunted him that he had not got that message when he was a young student and was exposed to the hug culture. He now had been left in great difficulty not knowing which children were his own. It had caused him great embarrassment at times, especially when he visited the seminary.
So great was the impact of this revelation that he had carried it with him from Greener Pasture into the Opposition Paddock. Now every time Carrot Top put forward one of her policies he would jump to his paws and shout triumphantly “No No No.” He would then rush of to the Kingdom of the Debauched Estate trumpeting No No and again emphatically No. Soon they were all yelling “No No No” and no one shouted louder than Alan down at his popular pawnbroking shop, ” where he swapped Cash for Comments”.
However, Mr Rabbit was now facing a dilemma because saying no to Carrot Top sometimes meant saying yes to someone else. There was a problem Downunder with addictive gambolling and the consumption of addictive tobacco flavoured carrots. When he leapt to his paws to shout “no” to Carrot Tops’ gambolling laws, he forgot that gambolling and tobacco flavoured cigarettes were enjoyable to some teenagers and this was anti Gliberal. Should he say no to gambolling and cigarettes and by opposing them end them, or to side with Carrot Top? That was the question.
Mr Rabbit delved deeply into his Gliberal philosophy to seek an answer to his dilemma and before he knew it he had found a reasoned solution. Who would fund his next campaign, Carrot Top or Phillip the Morris dancer? and who would give him a free ride on the Debauched Estate merry go round, Carrot Top or Chanel Canine? Why, despite being from Greener Pasture he could even become a working class hero if he played his cards right. The answer was now clear as was his conscience and his confidence quotient was as full as his wallet. He knew his noes from his cottontails. He was on the right path and no impoverished cancerous scum could divert him from his destiny.
Mr Rabbit’s Adventures part 4
Something big has happened to Mr Rabbit. Something has made him prick up those magnificent ears and hear the universe speak to him. He has had a conversion. He has discovered compassion. It was probably the Bishop that had reminded him that like many Boat Bunnies, Jesus also came from the Middle East and that as a babe in swaddling cloth he had been a refugee.
“How would Jesus like to be sent off to Fantasia as an unaccompanied minor” he asked himself? Surely he would prefer to be sent to Gnawru. Mind you we’re not housing them in stables so what could we do with the bloody donkey? Anyway he vowed to give up trying to be meaner than Carrot Top otherwise he would end up having to share platforms with that other Carrot Top from Queensland. That would be too embarrassing even for a rabbit that wore budgie smugglers and especially because he had helped to chuck her out of the Gliberal Party after stealing her policy ideas.
So Mr Rabbit decided to discuss compassion with Morrie Bun his Shallow Monster for Irrigation and particularly discuss being kinder to the Boat Bunnies. They devised a new kinder plan for the Gliberal Party. They would change their image. “From now on we will sound compassionate at every opportunity” he exclaimed. Let’s call a pest conference to show our new soft and cuddly outer skin to the world.
Morrie Bun could not wait, so they collected Cinder Brandies who is the Shallow Attorney General and headed out to talk to the assembled members of the debauched estate.
At first, as Bleater Grief might have put it, it all went as swimmingly. Morrie Bun had severely castigated Carrot Top for enticing the cute little Boat Bunnies to risk their lives coming to Downunder in a leaky canoe. What made Morrie Bun gnash his teeth the most, was that after enticing them to paddle all the way here she was going to send them straight back to Fantasia on an aeroplane.
Unfortunately one of the TV pests had read the Gliberal Party policy on refugees and asked difficult questions that made Mr Rabbit wish he had read it as well. She asked Morrie Bun if the Gliberals were in fact proposing to turn the leaky canoes around and make the Boat Bunnies paddle to Undernesia and she asked isn’t that more dangerous than a plane trip to Fantasia?” Morrie Bun swallowed hard and began to sweat, while his mouth opened and shut rapidly no sound was coming out.
Mr Rabbit leapt to Morrie Buns rescue with a brilliant answer. It wouldn’t be cruel or dangerous because they would turn the canoes around outside Downunder. This would mean they had never really come here so it couldn’t be seen to be cruel. It would be as if it had never happened. Mr Rabbit was very proud of this answer because like climate denial it was at the spiritual centre of Gliberal philosophy.
the interpretOr 